| Real |
[03 Feb 2010|03:35am] |
Nothing ever happens for real, nothing.
I don't love you.
But I did.
And that makes a difference, somewhere.
I could rid my life of everything.
My subconscious is haunting my very sleep.
You wish.
I won't.
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|
| Fuck. |
[23 Jan 2010|10:33pm] |
|
Sometimes I miss you.
|
|
| I just. |
[23 Jan 2010|10:30pm] |
Being second best is what comes natural.
Boy, you're so young.
I can't know you're serious.
When you're not...
I just hope you don't start thinking of her.
But part of me does.
Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
|
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| 92.5 FM |
[18 Jan 2010|02:47am] |
love's gone to hell and so have I.
I hope she's happy with him.
I cried, never going to hold the hand of another guy.
forgive, sounds good.
forget it, i'm not sure I could.
they say time heals everything.
but I'm still waiting.
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying.
I breathe in, I breathe out.
and put one foot in front of the other.
Fuck you, boy. I'm through.
Subtle scents are painful, some nights.
I'm going to start living.
If it's the last god for saken thing I do.
But tonight, I just want to be sad.
|
|
| This is it. |
[17 Jan 2010|12:35am] |
I walk the line, like Johnny Cash.
Your dedication keeps me alive.
Everybody has their strengths, their weaknesses.
I guess you're just what I need.
Not another mystery. Not another adventure, or fork in the road.
Something that I have to figure out, something that I have to work for.
You're the unconditional, everyone's always talked about.
A heart made of the finest strings of gold.
And you're stuck on me.
A puzzle.
I am that complicated and cryptic.
I have little compassion, my heart is only brass at best.
My patience is thin, I guess I'm just tired.
Tired of having to prove myself.
Tired of striving to make a difference.
Tired of not meaning....
I'm tired of him.
I love you, boy.
It's not often I could say that.
Just stay with me, lay with me.
|
|
| Little green lights. |
[09 Jan 2010|07:47am] |
Hail Mary, full of grace.
Help me win this stock car race.
Ahaha, the walls are falling.
The walls are surely falling.
And when they come-a-tumbling-down?
It'll be you this time! aha! not me, not him, but you!
Off the wagon and on the wagon, and round and round she gooeess.
watch me spin circles
as I disappear
|
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| Don't lie to me. |
[06 Jan 2010|02:20am] |
Memories are more a plague.
And ailment to the head, that I wish I could dispose of.
Darling, you said a lot of untruths.
I hope you bleed one day.
|
|
| Resolute. |
[05 Jan 2010|03:49pm] |
I've learned a lot.
Age is merely a number.
I've learned to look at what you're not, before you criticize what you are.
I've learned that until you're invited into a topic, anything you say is considered slander.
First impressions are concrete enough to judge someone.
Cigarette smoke always chases the person not smoking.
Coffee was sent here by the gods themselves.
Intelligence is a curse.
Even if you do explain it, chances are, no one will understand.
Puzzles are meant to be taken apart and put back together. Electronics are not.
It's easier to destroy something, than to put it together.
Sometimes pictures are better than the real thing.
I know that smoking is bad for me, the box tells me. You don't have to.
Everyone is afraid to die.
You can't rely on strangers.
Things are always better when you don't pay for them.
Having a bad day, is not an excuse.
Being high is like being a child again.
Video games are a good pastime. Not a good lifetime.
No matter how intelligent the conversation is, if you're talking to yourself, you'll be considered insane.
I'm sure I've learned a lot more. But that's all for now.
|
|
| Locked |
[04 Jan 2010|05:49pm] |
Do you love?
i doubt it.
|
|
| What is. |
[03 Jan 2010|08:31pm] |
I fought so hard. Didn't I?
There's nothing anyone could ever do, to bring me down.
And god damnit, how you tried.
I'm so strong, aha. Yeah, I'm so strong.
I'm nothing more than mortal.
No one person is stronger than anyone else.
I'm merely invincible.
I haven't died yet.
What gets me through this, is the inane fear of death itself. I can never die.
I have survived what surely, should have killed me.
Over and over again.
The thought of waking up each day, and knowing I can't be killed is what keeps me alive.
It'd be a curse to some, but to me, I'd much rather see it as a blessing.
Certainly, one day I will die.
And I will have left behind stories, riddles and rhymes.
Am I making sense anymore?
|
|
| Pants on fire. |
[14 Dec 2009|07:04am] |
You're a liar and a cheat.
And I hate you more than ever.
|
|
| She said. |
[11 Nov 2009|11:37am] |
I'm resentful towards those who crave sympathy.
I'm detached to those who believe they are truly suffering.
You don't know what you have until it's gone.
I'd work on my future...
But at the moment it's covered in vomit.
|
|
| Doxycillian. |
[11 Nov 2009|11:30am] |
The smoke that fills my body, has manifested into a blockade between me and my thoughts.
Tar is to my lungs, as dust is to shudders.
I send my love to my unborn.
I'm sorry I never thought of you.
I've progressively realized just how to calculate my own actions.
I'm not strong.
I merely forget.
It all comes back to me in dosages too small to clearify.
I'm not strong, I just don't remember anymore.
I miss you.
I don't think I'd say no...
|
|
| On The Floor. |
[01 Nov 2009|12:40pm] |
Like a hawk scared of heights, I fear how I'm supposed to be.
Like a dove without wings, I am incapable.
I slept on another floor last night.
Pressed safely somewhere between breath and t-shirt.
The metal in your mouth fits tightly between my teeth.
Our insides were in sync.
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl.
|
|
| Baby. |
[30 Oct 2009|01:01am] |
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this. I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT.
|
|
| Mm. |
[08 Oct 2009|04:55pm] |
Nightmares seem to ease my troubled mind.
It's no wonder I'm scared to fall asleep...until the sun rises.
|
|
| Lace, Lace, Love. |
[08 Oct 2009|04:52am] |
This is everything I've ever wanted.
More than I could have asked for, surely.
Why are my feet so cold, jumping in and out of the water.
The waves could lick my soles, but they could never touch my soul. [ah ha ha]
Why do I feel like I'm missing something...
Like something's just left me.
Everything's still here, baby.
Everything's still here.
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl.
|
|
| turn it on. |
[05 Oct 2009|02:17am] |
The stereo speaks to me in ways reality never could.
I'd rather live through these dreams, than become something real.
I'd rather pretend I'm more than I am...
Than see the disappointment I seem to carve into your crows feet.
I wish I was as elegant as the twists and curls of carbon dioxide.
I wish I was as vibrant as the hard acrylics and enamel.
I wish I was as flawless as I was intended to be.
Turn it up, turn it up.
Turn me on, turn me on.
|
|
| The lines. |
[04 Oct 2009|09:45pm] |
I can see my future, as it comes out in short breaths of smoke and oxygen.
No one said there'd be days like this.
When snapshots of the world could curl beneath my finger tips.
No one said there'd be words to say...
Written in the charcoal and paper.
No one said I'd have a future anyways.
I'm holding on to everything I thought would be promising.
I'm still holding on to it.
I'm keeping it close, and telling it to stay strong.
What makes something valuable?
|
|
| Hey cute kid. |
[03 Oct 2009|09:31pm] |
|
What makes something valuable?
|
|
| Dear. |
[02 Oct 2009|03:41am] |
Dear Tomas G. Sykes,
I've fallen for you, I really have. As much as it terrifies me, I think I'll stick around. Everyone I've ever loved, has hurt me in some way. I've lost just enough people in this world, to know how to appreciate what this life gives you. So long as you belong to me, you can call my arms home. You know, I never considered the future, until you pushed yourself into it. For a while, I've been covering up who I really am. The little bits I've begun to show you, however, you take in as your own. I am greatful. Please....just stay around, if only for a little longer.
Dear Christie P. Huff,
Girl, we've had times that I know I will never be able to replace. It's impossible to stay upset, when I have you to call on. We've known each other for a short time, in comparison to a lot of everyone else I hold in up-most adoration. But I would walk through fire and back for you. As much as we both hate the lovey dovey, mushy bullshit, I love you, kiddo.
Dear Cory D. McColl,
I know I've hurt you. You know you've hurt me. We've been through things fucked up enough to write a novel about. I'm not a reliable person, I won't pretend to be. However, just know that you could call me at the earliest hours of the morning, and I'd walk to you if I had to. People will come and go, and not understand the fine ties that we call 'friendship'. I'm glad you let me come back.
P.S. I know what's in your closet.
Dear Ravon L. Yates,
We've been through more than I ever really thought possible. I never dreamed that one day, I'd speak to you again. And words can't describe how glad I really am, that I can call you my friend. I know I'm not the best person to always be around. I'll come and go, and distance myself inexplicably. But I want you to know, that I will come back. Always have, haven't I? Whatever little comfort it really is. You've taught me a lot through my life time. Hell, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know how to pack a bowl. But seriously, even when it doesn't feel like it, I'm still around. And I'll still be there, when you need me.
Dear Michael J. Newbery,
You weren't intending to, I'm sure. But you've made me appreciate the fine line between life and death, good and bad, love and hate. I faced my fears. I climbed metaphorical mountains, and you turned your back on me. I've learned the only person in this world strong enough to hold your weight, is yourself. I learned that the only person who can never lie to your face, is yourself. I learned to appreciate things when you have them, and appreciate them when they go astray. I learned that to fight for something, and lose it, only makes you a human being. I've learned that I'm so much more than human.
Dear Scott J. Patterson,
I don't know where you are, or where you went. I know you're never coming back. But you don't know. I lied to you. The most painful lie of my life, was said, as I looked into those phenomenally green eyes. Summer smells like broken hearts to me. Wherever you are, I want you to know, I'm a stronger person than I was then. And I'm sorry.
Dear Bernadine Hamilton,
I know I'm not perfect. I know what you wish I were. But you can't hold on to me forever. I'm not him, and I'm not you. I know you've made mistakes, I know you've felt what pain really is. But I wish you wouldn't underestimate mine. I wish you could only open your mind to possibilities that you can't see. I love you. I just wish you thought of me as the girl who wrote you that letter, who painted that music box...Than the girl you wish you could change.
Dear Charles A. Hamilton,
We barely know each other. I know I'll regret it one day.
Dear Amber L. Hamilton,
Sometimes I wish what I thought you were. But I understand now, you've only ever been the same person. People don't really change. I know you destroy yourself constantly, and I wish I could say that I love you. But I can't. I doubt I ever will. But there's a fuck load of people that love you. That you should think about, more often.
Love deeply,
Amberleigh.
|
|
| hlsfkjghjkhfg |
[02 Oct 2009|02:54am] |
|
I heard your voice through a photograph.
|
|
| Awake. |
[01 Oct 2009|04:22am] |
I've seen this world through 6650 days.
I've been breathing for every one.
I've been feeling the serenity and horrors around me, for every one.
I've seen what it's like to go insane.
What it's like to be alone.
What it's like to be an animal.
What it's like to have everything taken away.
I've never touched the ocean.
I've never been on stage.
I've never climbed a mountain.
I've never rushed through a cloud.
But I've seen 6650 days.
Tomorrow, it will be 6651.
I've loved.
I've hated.
I've seen.
I've heard.
I've felt.
I've spoken.
I've tasted.
I've sensed.
You may have seen oceans.
You may have climbed mountains.
But I'll swear to the god that spins the earth on his forefinger; that I've seen the world.
And I'll tell you, I've never seen something so beautiful while it dies.
|
|
| Initiation Road. |
[30 Sep 2009|08:16pm] |
What is exhilaration?
The darkening September air, screeching in my ears like an old friend. Eyes streaming with terror and thrill. Two hands beneath me, pushing me higher, and higher.
On coming traffic and we're done for, we're done for.
My voice comes out in unheard tones, carried away by the wind like bubbles. Never bursting, and floating higher, as we spiral downwards. Downwards.
Sobriety has never been less distasteful.
|
|
| Hello, Rain. |
[29 Sep 2009|01:07am] |
Maybe everything doesn't have to be so serious.
But maybe I could learn to draw lines.
Not just speak between them.
Do I hate who I've become?
You can't hate whom you don't know.
It's time to slow down.
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